9/19/09

DJ FOODCOURT is back from spinning at the Promise Keepers fest in Marietta Georgia with new tunes and a new attitude.
Join me at 9pm on Monday September 21st at the sinful Casanova Lounge. I feel much closer to The Lord now, and I believe my set will reflect that. From Gods mouth to my ass, I will be bringing the joyous sounds of rock and roll with a new Christian flair. Race music is now out, for that leads to fornication. This will be my whitest and most non danceable set to date, and thats how Jesus and his bitches would want it.

Joining the divine DJ FOODCOURT will be DJ SPORK. He used to go by the name DJ Evil Justin but he has seen the light. I don't know much about his musical stylings because when I asked him what he was going to play, he just responded by saying “I like shiny things”. He then farted, smelled his fingers and drank his own pee. Pretty sure he's retarded which could make this one of the best nights yet. With the strength of a gorilla and a mind racing like a rat trapped in a coffee can, even Gods mistakes can be captivating behind a turntable.

Some things recently heard at DJ FOODCOURT'S last gig:

Girl: What song is this?
FOODCOURT: “Stop” by Howard Tate
G: Cool. Is this soul?
FC: Yes
G: If you buy me a shot I'll let you feel my baby kicking.
FC: Two Tequilas please.

Ed Hardy: What is this shit?
FC: Pavement “The Hexx”
EH: Its fucking downer music. You got any 3 Doors Down?
FC: No, but if you leave with your buddies, we'll be 3 douche's down.

Drunk Girl: Do you have any Howard Jones?
FC: No.
DG: I saw him once and he had a mime on a chain on stage.
FC: Please fucking leave.

Drunk Girl II: This music sucks. Are you the DJ?
FC: No.
DGII: Why are you standing behind the turntables?
FC: I'm autistic.
DGII: That sucks.
FC: Its not so bad. At least I'm not a dumb cunt.
DGII: Do you know when the DJ will be back?

DJ FOODCOURT and DJ SPORK Monday September 21st 9pm Casanova Lounge. Free!

Greetings Friends,

It is time once again for another rare appearance by DJ FOODCOURT. After a recent hunting trip to the magical land of Fantastica where I finally had a chance to violently slay Falcore the Luck Dragon (I made a wish whilst eating his balls), I arrive home triumphantly knowing that there will never be a sequel to The Neverending Story now that one of the key characters resides in my stomach. I am tanned, rested and ready and this Thursday, September 3rd at the Make Out Room come witness what Time Out New York has called "the greatest night in San Francisco to get out and see something that is like something that cannot be described because of its sheer indescribable kickassedness" or what Dog Candy magazine has called: "a truly delicious shit sandwich to be savored by everyone" and finally US Weeekly has called DJ FOODCOURT "a sonic Dutch Oven ending in an rousing aural hot barf".

8/5/09

Greetings Friends,

It has been a hectic summer for DJ FOODCOURT. In between DJ gigs in Helsinki and the Maldives, I managed to find time to help negotiate the release of our hostage journalists in North Korea, prove Barack Obamas birth certificate was legitimate, track and skin a baby bigfoot, and write a buch of new songs with John Mayer and James Blundt while hiking in Iran. It was while freebasing in Ibiza with Heidi Klum and her scarred husband who wrote that pretty song on the Batman soundtrack, that I launched my new clothing line "Phat and Phorty" that will debut in most Rochester Big and Talls this winter. My new record label IHATEMUSICANDMOSTYOUNGPEOPLE will release a series of limited edition reel to reel tapes in the fall consisting entirely of sounds that I have recorded with the Crips tribe of Los Angeles. All in all a very busy summer.

In celebration of my adoption of a retarded whale named Gary



I will be spinning records at the Make Out Room on Thursday August 6th beginning at 9pm. Joining me in my sonic celebration will be the lovely and talented DJ TOBY (KUSF) and the horrific and so-so DJ CVS. This will be an epic throwdown of aural delights that will make your free grilled cheese go down like a warm grilled sandwich made of cheese. There will be drink specials, and fingers crossed, people of color. Per usual, I will break down the third wall and actively converse with my fans. I am planning on wearing a new shirt and playing many new records. DJ Toby prefers that no eye contact be made during her set, and DJ CVS doesnt notice anyone but himself, so that is covered.

Admission is free. As are the hugs. Lets fucking do this.

7/19/09

Greetings Friends,

DJ FOODCOURT spins records and yarns at the Casanova Lounge on July 20th beginning at 9pm. He has purchased many new records and will continue to play the old favorites. He mostly plays for himself, but in truth, it is his fans that keep his creative juices flowing. Thats not saying he takes requests, or is welcoming uninitiated converstaion with said fans. Its just stating the obvious point that one should never feel as if they can approach the DJ and thrust their musical ideas upon him, no matter how much they love Of Montreal or Usher and which for some fucking reason is what people always seem to want to hear especially during that rare moment where the DJ is on a bit of a roll and has settled into that pocket that he so covets and then suddenly there is some dumb ass bitch inches from his face asking to play a song that has absolutely nothing to do with the current set he is playing and whose very mention causes him to start thinking why the fuck would they pull THAT particular song outta their ass to hear when it has to be perfectly clear that based upon what the DJ has been playing all night there is no fucking way he would have that song so next thing you know you the DJ is a bit unerved and instead of drinking beer he is now switching to hard alcohol so as to not inconvenience the bartender because when you start drinking tall drinks you dont have to make as many trips to the bar so he thinks thats a good thing but then the tall drinks starts going down like water and he is still questioning why he didnt bring more "dancey" records or "something good" as Trevor from Berkeley has reminded him all night so he starts playing angrier music and drunk dialing old drug dealers because now he's a bit loaded and whats wrong with partying every now and then even if it is a school night cuz the DJ is the one in control so who is the bartender to be cutting him off when he can just get somebody else to buy him shots anyway cuz shots are easier to drink than big drinks and something has to dull the edge from the shit that he just did with Jorge in the bathroom who used to have great product in the 80's but now just seems to not care because after losing his wife and kid and doing that stretch in prison he obviously doesnt have the same connections that he once had so why the fuck would you want to request a song anyway?

Please come see and hear DJ FOODCOURT at 9pm on Monday July 20th at the Casanova Lounge. Its Free. Please forward this email to fans who enjoy Usher and Of Montreal.

7/1/09

Fellow Patriots,

This Thursday, July 2nd (which many people don't realize is the Pagan 4th of July), DJ FOODCOURT will be spinning records at the Make Out Room beginning at 9pm. The cost is free and there will also be performance art grilled cheese. This time I am cooking them in my steaming trousers. Very delicious and you are all very welcome.

Joing Mr. FOODCOURT for this historic evening of listening pleasure will be DJETTE Dulcinea, DJ MITCHCARD-IAC and DJ CVS (see more on him here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEVwV3uzUQk....As well as a special appearance by yours truly).

These are all professional DJ's of the highest calibre (Fun fact: DJ Mitch lives in Oakland!) and are sure to bring their A-Game. As host of the evening I will be playing the shit out of my records. Whatever that means.

Please come down on Thursday and raise your glass for those we have recently lost and for our freedom in this beautiful country of San Francisco.


Happy Fourth of July!

DJ FOODCOURT

6/11/09

Please join DJ FOODCOURT on Monday June 15th as he celebrates his birthday at the missions historic Casanova Lounge with a set of music dealing with life, death and infinite sadness. It should prove to be both upsetting and controversial with tears being the one common theme.
















Exhibit A: This is a recent Birthday Card from my Mother

A wise man once noted that our civilization survives in the complacency of cowardly or malignant minds-a sacrifice to the vanity of aging adolescents, where excess is always a comfort and sometimes a career. DJ FOODCOURT knows these words all too well and they cut like a knife (reminder: pull Bryan Adams records). We all know there is nothing worse then being an aging young person and it becomes painfully apparent when ones balls hit the floor before their feet every morning. If only we could stay young forever. The mind is sharp, but the pain in my back is sharper.




















Exhibit B: A Young Alcoholic Thinking She Has Her Whole Life Ahead of Her

The great Dale Carnegie once said "keep raging to stop the aging" (Look it up. I swear to god he did). I'm not sure what he did for a living, but I do know he has a great hall named after him where the band Chicago performed and recorded, so he must be full of wisdom despite his querstionable musical taste. These are words that DJ FOODCOURT has lived by, and one day will adorn his head stone (is that the correct term? It looks weird in print. I know its not grave pillow...), but alas, it is time to stop the raging and welcome the aging. I will still go kicking aginst the pricks (reminder: pull Nick Cave records), its just that my kicks will now be directed at their shins instead of their faces. I heard a very loud pop last time I raised my knee...
























Exhibit C: Why Youth is Wasted on the Young

And finally, what DID happen to aging gracefully? It got old (these words were spoken by the great philosopher Miranda from Sex in the City. Granted, she had a cock in her mouth and the words were garbled, they still ring true). DJ FOODCOURT wants to age gracefully and thus is done dressing like a 12 year old and acting like a 25 year old on spring break. It is time to grow up and face the truth that aging is the only way to live a long life.

So please come out on June 15th and watch as I drink and consume everything that is put in front of me one last time, while I play records by people half my age, and celebrate the lifestyle that once was, but is now over.

That is until I do it all again next month.



What: DJ FOODCOURT Birthday Craptacular
Where: Casanova Lounge 9pm
When: Monday, June 15th, one day before my actual birthday, but it still counts socially
Whoa: Gifts aren't mandatory, but why the fuck would you show up at a birthday party empty handed?


Sincerely,

DJ FOODCOURT










A rare tiger with a receding hairline or a young FOODCOURT?

6/2/09

Greetings All,

This Thursday, Junetember the Fourth, DJ FOODCOURT will be playing records at San Francisco's wonderful Make Out Room. Festivities begin at 9pm and this shit is free. Grilled Cheese sandwiches will be served without cost, and many things will be learned on this magical evening.

Joining DJ FOODCOURT will be the one and only DJ FULL MOON FEVER (Sir Clark Mosher of Ye East Baye), providing much needed eye candy while spinning records in his Berka. We will be periodically breaking down the Fourth Wall and talking to you, the listening audience, while sharing our life lessons and political views to any (and all) willing to listen to two older, drunken, opinionated gentlemen. Along with our stellar musical stylings, DJ FOODCOURT and DJ FULL MOON FEVER have many thoughts that demand to be heard and we are very generous in our sharefulness.

It has been said that a noble spirit embiggens the smallest man (and that is a perfectly cromulent sentence), and FOODCOURT and FEVER are such men.

*Under age girls/boys and people of color are encouraged. Drink specials are subject to suggestion. Drugs are bad (but readily available), but bad means good in this sense. There will be a special guest, so you should probably shut up.

Lets fucking do this.

Yours,

DJ FOODCOURT