FOODCOURT TWENTYTEN FEB 15

Greetings All,

DJ FOODCOURT is spinning records at the Casanova Lounge on Monday, February 15th, beginning at 9pm. Joining him will be DJ DrunkStupidBaby and we will be celebrating our beautiful friend Mary Goree from The Great American Music Hall's birthday!
But first, some sad news. As many of you know, my helper monkey MC Sparkles was put down this week after failing to fulfill his work duties and a lengthy investigation into his malfeazance. It's been a very rough week for me, but goddamn, that fucker had it coming.

When I first bought him on a record buying spree in Jakarta, Indonesia, on the "Hello Pangea!" tour, he was a loveble miscreant who had lazy milk colored eyes and a filthy full coat of dust mites and poo. It was love at first bite.

I will never forget how MC Sparkles would scream and pee and scream some more, and then attack my face and genitals, then drink his own pee and then attack me with his sharp and highly difficult to cut claws. He was adorable. At first I could see no apparent skills, until I got him home and he took straight to my computer and showed my how to get rid of that annoying paper clip that pops up when writing a letter in Word. I then realized he could communicate in sign language and he would share some of the most hysterical and olde timey racist ideas with me that would have us laughing for hours, even when he wasn't peeing, shitting or biting.

Things got bad then things got worse a this week when he was drying me off after my afternoon veal-milk bath, and he mistakenly grabbed a hand towel instead of my 9'x12' chinchilla and fox beach towell that was given to me by a Mister Lil Wayne. When he got to my shredded genitalia, the towel was sucked up my pee hole like Snuffelupagus at a spring break coke party. I could tell he was high, so I went to my medicine chest and checked to see what was missing. After a four day inventory, that Mr. Sparkles helped catalog, I realized that he had been stealing my Vicodin. I confronted him, but he vehemently signed that he did not steal from "papa", so I sent him to bed with only a bag of fingernails and carpet scraps. The next day he nuzzled and bit me as if nothing was wrong, and I in my percocet and cough medicine haze, forgave him.

That was until I went into my office and found evidence that his poo covered hands had been all over my keyboard. I noticed my shit covered Visa, so I checked I to see what sites he had been on and eBay popped up first. I noticed that he had made two purchases: A tiny bunkbed (I assume for him and the remains of his conjoined twin Sandy) and a copy of that Janes Addiction movie "Gift". I could forgive the bunkbed, but have you ever seen that fucking movie? Christ it was fucking like a bad acid dream with people you wouldn't eat acid with in the first place. Next I scrolled down to something called the Yelle Fund which turns out is Wyclef Jeans charity for Haiti. Well this did it! Everyone KNOWS that charity is just a front for his own investments and Laurynn Hills monumental crack shipments so I confronted him, and this time he admitted it. Well enough was enough!

He knew that his treason was punishable by death and all the sign language in the world wasn't going to help save him. So I put on the "Beach House" record since he listened to that ad nauseum, marched him over to the office floor, placed him face down on the floor, gingerly stepped on the back of his head, and gently ripped his tail off. His muffled cries were no match for the full diaper I had shoved in his mouth and I soon had his hands tied with his own tail. He signed something about "too many drugs" but there are never too many drugs. I then kissed him one last time on the forehead, told him he broke my heart, then tenderly placed a pile of phonebooks on his head until I heard a pop and the smell of burnt carpet burst from his anus.
MC Sparkles would have been four today. RIP jerk.
　
Speaking of worthless helper monkeys, DJ FOODCOURT TWENTYTEN will be spinning with DJ DrunkStupidBaby in celebration of Mary G's birthday. Please come out and celebrate our wonderful friends special day and bask in her greatness. She is an SF institution so treat her with respect!

Lets Fucking Do This!

DJFCTT

2/2/10

Greetings Friends,

DJ FOODCOURT TWENTYTEN will be spinning records this coming Thursday, February 4th, at the Make Out Room in San Francisco's historic mission district. The music starts at 9pm, but doesn't stop until long after you are layng in bed thinking about what another amazing set you have witnessed and feeling like your ears have just been fingerbanged by sexy ET.

The music, like this great country of ours, is free. Get there early because it is certain to sell out.

Also there might be grilled cheese courtesy of George Foreman, but I might be loaded. so there might not.

FOODCOURT TWENTYTEN has just returned from a worldwide tour that took him to the far corners of the earth (Its Motherfuckin' Pangea Tour 2010!) and his koala bear and ivory record bag is filled to the brim with new and exciting finds guaranteed to give you all a well deserved reach around while peeling your panties off and sonically flirting with your taint. DJFCTT will be performing his legendary "Tribute To The Grammy's" set where he throws shit at the audience and expects you to like it. Its part performance art, and part in your face social commentary. There will also be a twenty minute moment of silence as we pay tribute to the people of Haiti and the second catastrophe that has hit that country in less than a month in the form of the devestating remake of "We are The World"

Joining DJ FCTT is DJ Chris O and DJ Clark Moshpit. We don't know anything about these guys except that they are from Oakland, so we are assuming they are black. Their bios, taken from DJ Database (www.djdatabase/bargainbindjs/meganslaw/.com) are listed below. Far below.


Hope to see you all Thursday at 9pm. Lets have a party!

PS: DJFCTT will also be MC'ing at the One Night Stand at Slims at 8pm on Saturday, and spinning during the Stupor Bowl party at the Bottom of the Hill on Sunday beginning at 1pm!

xo

DJ FOODCOURT TWENTYTEN

(2/2/10 poster)

It should say "February" but "January" is more punk rock.


DJ Chris O: Chris Owen es el fundador de Gancho o Registros de Ladrón. El es un padre amoroso, y un narc posible. El se parece a un Canguro fresco de Capitán, pero a eso sólo tan él le puede ofrecer amistad a y tomar su hierba. El es un graduado de Dama de Notre y fue una vez el presidente del club de admiradores de Smiths. Sus pelotas están en el préstamo por la noche, para él da la luz a un bebé debido cualquier día.

DJ CLARK MOSHPIT: Clark Mosher drives the van pictured above. He says the rape kit was all inclusive with the purchasing price. Clark and Chris O used to live together until an argument over Doug Sahm led to Chris being forced to move while Clark was 11 months pregnant. Clark has a 32 year old son named Mitch who smells like spoiled milk and violence. Clark spent 15 years as an understudy for Rum Tum Tugger in the Castro Gay Mens Chorus production of "AnalCats". His favorite guitarist is Gary Moore and his favorite movie is "Heartbeeps". He has seen Y&T over 150 times. He is hoping to date a hot "blue-african-american" chick like in Avatar.

12/16/09

Seasoned Greetings,


DJ FOOODCOURT will be spinning records on Monday, December 21st (4 days before Christmas, 6 days before Kwanzaa and already balls deep into Hanukkah), at the Casnova Lounge beginning at 9pm.

Joining him will be international spinning sensation DJ A.M.GAGA fresh off his record setting performance at the KY Jelly shareholders meeting in Bakersfield, CA. Guinness Records were there to document this historical event and now A.M.GAGA is in the books for playing the Longest Set Where Nobody Gave A Shit.

Since the holidays are often a soul crushing time where we forget about love and true compassion for each other and instead focus only on the shallow commercialism of Santa days, this set will be heavy on the jams that make us realize the reason for the season: Emo, Death Metal, Christian Sing Alongs and Billie Joe Shaver.

There will be a special appearance by Jesus who will be serving his special Jello shots and Dave Kwanzaa who will be giving out Kool menthols and King Cobras. Since Jews are like Unicorns and only exist in Xanadu, we won't hold our breath as far as one making an appearance. Until I see one, they don't exist.

There will also be a photographer on hand to take pictures of the kids with SantaBunny (please make sure they at least have a fake ID).


SantaBunny





















At midnight we will have an hours silence for the late, great Oral Roberts who was recently murdered while attending a T-Pain concert, and a toast to the victims of Banana Splits flight 69 that crashed into Mt. Tam exactly one year ago to the day that took the lives of Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snarky (who ironically did not die in the crash, but instead four days later after stumbling onto Sammy Hagars property and hearing his coked up stories about his new supergroup Chickenfoot).

Tis the season and lets fucking do this. I realize there are many wonderful things happening this night and this week (Parkers Holiday Craptacular at the Make Out Room on Tuesday!: www.makeoutroom.com) but this is clearly the greatest night ever, at the start of the laziest week of the year, and even my helper monkey doesn't do shit and works hung over.

This is FOODCOURTS last set of the 00's and it would be wonderful to share Christwanzakkuh with each and every one of one of ye.


Happy Holidays!

DJ FOODCOURT

12/8/09

Greetings All,


DJ FOODCURT will be spinning records at the Make Out Room on Thursday December 9th (from 6-9) in honor of Jill Olsons birthday. Also joining Jill will be two of her co-workers, Jay Denny and Page Kishiyama celebrating their special day as well. I have been instructed to play musical styles that are (for the most part), un-FOODCOURT-like, but I am more then ready to deliver a sweltering, kick ass set that will further elevate my stature as one of the greatest DJ's to ever play what was ordered of them, so it should prove to be both a laugh AND dance riot for the ages. There will be Country AND Western, Hippity Hop, Electronic, Garage, Soul, Soul Sucking Garage, Indie Rock, Classic Rock, Olde Timey Rock and Nadias Theme.

The Make Out Room features Happy Hour specials until 10pm and there is no excuse for not getting out early and warming your bones with liquid libations, saving on your PG&E bill, not having to see your creepy roommate in their ironic Snuggie, not using your 6 cats as a depressing blanket, not watching bullshit Wednesday television which as far as I can tell consists of Ghost Hunters and those fucking guys couldn't catch a ghost if it was haunting their balls, getting off of Facebook for 3 hours and not playing your retraded Mafia Wars or tending a virtual farm that will never love you, stimulating the economy instead of your naughty bits.

Ideally you shall all be rocking to the warmy goodness of DJ FOODCOURT as he heats the Make Out Room to BROIL and we celebrate the birthdays of three wonderful people who I have not met but yet have agreed to pay me in full and have sworn to not approach the DJ area or make eye contact with me during the 3 hour performance. They are advertisng people so you know they will be hot, classy, energetic and manipulative.

Come straight from work. Dress like your going to court.

Lets fucking do this.

Sincerely,

DJ FOODCOURT

12/3/09

Dear Friends,

I will be receiving a "Lifetime Achievement Award" for excellence for just about everything from Kevin Arnold and his company IODA at midnight on December 3rd, and will be playing a blistering one and a half hour set to commerate my greatness. IODA (Insane Order Of Depressed Aristocrats) has only given this award to one other DJ (DJ AM and I hear GREAT things about him!), so I would love it if you could all be there to share in this once in a lifetime event and soak in my juices.

The party is private until 11:30. Code word at door: Let me the fuck in to see FOODCOURT.

Sincerely,

DJ FOODCOURT

11/12/09

Greetings from DJ FOODCOURT,

First of all, thanks for all of the well wishes while I have been fighting my unbelievable sickness. For those of you who didnt send well wishes, don't worry about it, I'm sure I will be sick again shortly and you will have another chance. As a special selfless gift I would love to thank you all personally and that is why I will be having a reception at the Casanova Lounge on Monday, November 16th at 9pm, in honor of YOU, the real heroes. I am planning on clipping my toenails and ridding myself of my kleenex box slippers and I will be giving you all wonderful gifts, sharing amazing stories about my night sweats and coughing jags, and playing somewhat good records from my extensive vinyl collection of non rarities.

I have received a ton of fan mail, so lets get to it. Ginobli from Ibiza writes: Dear DJ FOODCOURT, I recently read in the London Herald that you had been sick. Is this something that you contracted during your record setting performance with DJ AM at the opening of the Dave and Busters at the Dubai Mall of America? Also, have you ever tea bagged James Blundt during the course of one of your legendary mash ups at Blundts SuperVirginStore?

Hey Ginobli. Great question. First off, I want to give a shout out to my boy DJ AM who left this Big Blue Marble way before last call. I would like to think he is in Heaven, pondin Red Bulls and tappin ass, but I am pretty sure that Jews arent allowed in Heaven because of the whole money-tightness-cant be trusted thingy. Either way, wherever he is, I know he is high as fuck and laying down some righteous DMB or BEP's. Next thing: No comment about Blundt you knucklehead! However, I will say that the taint matches the drapes, ifyaknowwhatimean...Ginobli, I did not contract my sickness thru my epic set at DMOA. I believe it was contracted while vacationing in Darfur. I had gone there on a humanitarian aid mission but the weather was so fucking nice I figured, why not get my tan on and chillax a bit? These people seem to have plenty of food because their bellys stick out like they have all just eaten an Olive Garden never fucking ending bottomless soup and salad bowl so what the hell is everyone so worried about? So I headed straight to the pool, ordered up some boat drinks, set my iPod on "stun "and kicked the fuck back. I noticed my waiter had what could only be referred to as a "halo of flies" and I believe that is how I got sick. I mean Christ bro, you're black. Its easy enough to see them on your skin and to wipe them off. Creeps me out just thinking about it.

Anyway, after attending the VMA's in NYC, I coughed up something that looked like one of the characters from the Mucinex commercials, although it did look slightly asian (thats not racist, that is stereotyping. HUGE diff.) At the time I thought I had coughed up a magic baby because you could see that it was an intelligent life form and it had the speed of a mexican leaving a paternity hearing. Shortly after leaving my body it ran across the floor of my hotel, grabbed my car keys, shouted something phlegmy at me, and stole my car. It later called me from Mary Kate and Ashleys hotel room high as a bat kite and listening to fucking Grizzly Bear and crying. I never heard from it again. Since then I have been on an antibiotic that they only administer to astronauts called Zithromax. Its like Extenze for sick astronauts with huge cocks. I can now hear the dead and the thoughts of insects (which by the way, all incredibly boring) and can now bench press a thousand pounds. To answer your question, I'm feeling much better Ginobli. Thank you for asking.

Thats all the time I have for today. I need to save my strength for this coming weeks most epic of sets. I hope to see you all Monday. And as an added bonus, the first 10 people who show up with the DJ FOODCOURT flier (just cut below the dotted line) will get a free drink and a croupy cough from yours truly.

Remember that DJ FOODCOURT loves all people yet reserves the right to pass judgement at any given time.

See you all Monday!

DJ FOODCOURT

10/1/09

Greetings All,

DJ FOODCOURT is playing records with DJ Chuffington (Kelley Stoltz, Sub Poprecords recording artist) and DJ Spiral Stairs (supposedly in a new band called Pavement on a label called Matador), this Thursday, Rocktober 1st at the Make Out Room. Festivities begin at 9pm and it is free with complimentary grilled cheese from George Foremans grill. There will also be surprise guests and shit.

We will be playing tons of good rock and -Alright I gotta get something off of my chest first. While recently shopping for FOODCOURT supplies at my local Smart and Final (never really understood the marketing behind this discount supermarket. Are you “smart” because you shop there? Will this be your “final” meal? I don't get it. however I do know this: Its filled with fucktards), I experienced a life changing experience. Heres what happened:

As I was coming out of the bread aisle and into the candy/sweets section I looked up at the end of the aisle and I spotted two small latino children sitting on the floor, their hands clearly in an open jar of something. As I approached with caution (never take chances with strangers in a Smart and Final) and a small amount of trail mix in my hand (in case they weren't docile), I realized that the jar they had assaulted was filled with pickled pigs feet. Thats right. They were sitting in the middle of the aisle dipping their filthy little hands into the makes-no-sense delicacy of pickled pigs feet. Not to mention a Costco sized jar of 'em at that. (Note: Before you accuse me of racist sentiments, I used the word “filthy” because they literally were covered head to toe in dirt, not because they come from a filthy place where they don't speak english or respect our forced policies. So there.)

Now, this got me thinking. Is this what America has come to that our candy section is now cross pollinating with the International foods section? There is nothing more American then the candy aisle, and I could really give a fuck about the health care debate when we are losing the war in our supermarkets. I really don't need to be high and jonesing for a Starbursts, but instead reach for Cat Butthole or DogKnots (the pre-packaged dog testicles that are quite popular in Korea), because that is their idea of candy. This is an issue that there is no debating.

The candy aisle is sacred ground. The candy section is where you were awarded a treat for being good and sitting in the cart and not touching every fucking thing that came your way while shopping with your mom or dad. It was reward for a job well done. The candy section was filled with brightly colored presents that captivated the imagination and sent you into a sugary nirvana. The candy section is NOT supposed to feature things that have the color of a science experiment and smell of death. And now thanks to Smart and Final that section brings confusion and terror for old and young alike.There is something inherently evil and wrong about this, and a large piece of my childhood died that day in that aisle, crushed and swallowed in their disgusting pig soaked hands. As I turned to look back at the aisle after paying for my supplies, I noticed a lone indian with a single tear streaming down his cheek. He understood the America we live in today....
DJ FOODCOURT with Kelley Stoltz, Spiral Stairs and Surprise MUCH Older Guest. Thursday October 1st 9pm The Make Out Room San Francisco.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I've recently hired a design firm out of the Castro to make me some FOODCOURT flyers. Here is a small sample of what they came up with...

Flyer #1: I asked that they convey the brotherhood of three friends spinning records together:


















I have some problems with the overall concept...Although Spirals likeness is remarkable.

Flyer2: I wanted them to convey three distinct individuals "passionate about their musical styles":


















They are getting warmer...

Flyer3: In terms of musical knowledge, I asked for something that showed my stature in comparison to those of my peers, and my love for Diane Arbus:























Getting closer...

Flyer4: I asked for something that was "retarded" which is a street term for "crazy" or "cool":
















I take offense at the term "Octarded", but I think they nailed it.

Love, DJ FOODCOURT. Pass it on.

9/19/09

DJ FOODCOURT is back from spinning at the Promise Keepers fest in Marietta Georgia with new tunes and a new attitude.
Join me at 9pm on Monday September 21st at the sinful Casanova Lounge. I feel much closer to The Lord now, and I believe my set will reflect that. From Gods mouth to my ass, I will be bringing the joyous sounds of rock and roll with a new Christian flair. Race music is now out, for that leads to fornication. This will be my whitest and most non danceable set to date, and thats how Jesus and his bitches would want it.

Joining the divine DJ FOODCOURT will be DJ SPORK. He used to go by the name DJ Evil Justin but he has seen the light. I don't know much about his musical stylings because when I asked him what he was going to play, he just responded by saying “I like shiny things”. He then farted, smelled his fingers and drank his own pee. Pretty sure he's retarded which could make this one of the best nights yet. With the strength of a gorilla and a mind racing like a rat trapped in a coffee can, even Gods mistakes can be captivating behind a turntable.

Some things recently heard at DJ FOODCOURT'S last gig:

Girl: What song is this?
FOODCOURT: “Stop” by Howard Tate
G: Cool. Is this soul?
FC: Yes
G: If you buy me a shot I'll let you feel my baby kicking.
FC: Two Tequilas please.

Ed Hardy: What is this shit?
FC: Pavement “The Hexx”
EH: Its fucking downer music. You got any 3 Doors Down?
FC: No, but if you leave with your buddies, we'll be 3 douche's down.

Drunk Girl: Do you have any Howard Jones?
FC: No.
DG: I saw him once and he had a mime on a chain on stage.
FC: Please fucking leave.

Drunk Girl II: This music sucks. Are you the DJ?
FC: No.
DGII: Why are you standing behind the turntables?
FC: I'm autistic.
DGII: That sucks.
FC: Its not so bad. At least I'm not a dumb cunt.
DGII: Do you know when the DJ will be back?

DJ FOODCOURT and DJ SPORK Monday September 21st 9pm Casanova Lounge. Free!

Greetings Friends,

It is time once again for another rare appearance by DJ FOODCOURT. After a recent hunting trip to the magical land of Fantastica where I finally had a chance to violently slay Falcore the Luck Dragon (I made a wish whilst eating his balls), I arrive home triumphantly knowing that there will never be a sequel to The Neverending Story now that one of the key characters resides in my stomach. I am tanned, rested and ready and this Thursday, September 3rd at the Make Out Room come witness what Time Out New York has called "the greatest night in San Francisco to get out and see something that is like something that cannot be described because of its sheer indescribable kickassedness" or what Dog Candy magazine has called: "a truly delicious shit sandwich to be savored by everyone" and finally US Weeekly has called DJ FOODCOURT "a sonic Dutch Oven ending in an rousing aural hot barf".

8/5/09

Greetings Friends,

It has been a hectic summer for DJ FOODCOURT. In between DJ gigs in Helsinki and the Maldives, I managed to find time to help negotiate the release of our hostage journalists in North Korea, prove Barack Obamas birth certificate was legitimate, track and skin a baby bigfoot, and write a buch of new songs with John Mayer and James Blundt while hiking in Iran. It was while freebasing in Ibiza with Heidi Klum and her scarred husband who wrote that pretty song on the Batman soundtrack, that I launched my new clothing line "Phat and Phorty" that will debut in most Rochester Big and Talls this winter. My new record label IHATEMUSICANDMOSTYOUNGPEOPLE will release a series of limited edition reel to reel tapes in the fall consisting entirely of sounds that I have recorded with the Crips tribe of Los Angeles. All in all a very busy summer.

In celebration of my adoption of a retarded whale named Gary



I will be spinning records at the Make Out Room on Thursday August 6th beginning at 9pm. Joining me in my sonic celebration will be the lovely and talented DJ TOBY (KUSF) and the horrific and so-so DJ CVS. This will be an epic throwdown of aural delights that will make your free grilled cheese go down like a warm grilled sandwich made of cheese. There will be drink specials, and fingers crossed, people of color. Per usual, I will break down the third wall and actively converse with my fans. I am planning on wearing a new shirt and playing many new records. DJ Toby prefers that no eye contact be made during her set, and DJ CVS doesnt notice anyone but himself, so that is covered.

Admission is free. As are the hugs. Lets fucking do this.

7/19/09

Greetings Friends,

DJ FOODCOURT spins records and yarns at the Casanova Lounge on July 20th beginning at 9pm. He has purchased many new records and will continue to play the old favorites. He mostly plays for himself, but in truth, it is his fans that keep his creative juices flowing. Thats not saying he takes requests, or is welcoming uninitiated converstaion with said fans. Its just stating the obvious point that one should never feel as if they can approach the DJ and thrust their musical ideas upon him, no matter how much they love Of Montreal or Usher and which for some fucking reason is what people always seem to want to hear especially during that rare moment where the DJ is on a bit of a roll and has settled into that pocket that he so covets and then suddenly there is some dumb ass bitch inches from his face asking to play a song that has absolutely nothing to do with the current set he is playing and whose very mention causes him to start thinking why the fuck would they pull THAT particular song outta their ass to hear when it has to be perfectly clear that based upon what the DJ has been playing all night there is no fucking way he would have that song so next thing you know you the DJ is a bit unerved and instead of drinking beer he is now switching to hard alcohol so as to not inconvenience the bartender because when you start drinking tall drinks you dont have to make as many trips to the bar so he thinks thats a good thing but then the tall drinks starts going down like water and he is still questioning why he didnt bring more "dancey" records or "something good" as Trevor from Berkeley has reminded him all night so he starts playing angrier music and drunk dialing old drug dealers because now he's a bit loaded and whats wrong with partying every now and then even if it is a school night cuz the DJ is the one in control so who is the bartender to be cutting him off when he can just get somebody else to buy him shots anyway cuz shots are easier to drink than big drinks and something has to dull the edge from the shit that he just did with Jorge in the bathroom who used to have great product in the 80's but now just seems to not care because after losing his wife and kid and doing that stretch in prison he obviously doesnt have the same connections that he once had so why the fuck would you want to request a song anyway?

Please come see and hear DJ FOODCOURT at 9pm on Monday July 20th at the Casanova Lounge. Its Free. Please forward this email to fans who enjoy Usher and Of Montreal.

7/1/09

Fellow Patriots,

This Thursday, July 2nd (which many people don't realize is the Pagan 4th of July), DJ FOODCOURT will be spinning records at the Make Out Room beginning at 9pm. The cost is free and there will also be performance art grilled cheese. This time I am cooking them in my steaming trousers. Very delicious and you are all very welcome.

Joing Mr. FOODCOURT for this historic evening of listening pleasure will be DJETTE Dulcinea, DJ MITCHCARD-IAC and DJ CVS (see more on him here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEVwV3uzUQk....As well as a special appearance by yours truly).

These are all professional DJ's of the highest calibre (Fun fact: DJ Mitch lives in Oakland!) and are sure to bring their A-Game. As host of the evening I will be playing the shit out of my records. Whatever that means.

Please come down on Thursday and raise your glass for those we have recently lost and for our freedom in this beautiful country of San Francisco.


Happy Fourth of July!

DJ FOODCOURT

6/11/09

Please join DJ FOODCOURT on Monday June 15th as he celebrates his birthday at the missions historic Casanova Lounge with a set of music dealing with life, death and infinite sadness. It should prove to be both upsetting and controversial with tears being the one common theme.
















Exhibit A: This is a recent Birthday Card from my Mother

A wise man once noted that our civilization survives in the complacency of cowardly or malignant minds-a sacrifice to the vanity of aging adolescents, where excess is always a comfort and sometimes a career. DJ FOODCOURT knows these words all too well and they cut like a knife (reminder: pull Bryan Adams records). We all know there is nothing worse then being an aging young person and it becomes painfully apparent when ones balls hit the floor before their feet every morning. If only we could stay young forever. The mind is sharp, but the pain in my back is sharper.




















Exhibit B: A Young Alcoholic Thinking She Has Her Whole Life Ahead of Her

The great Dale Carnegie once said "keep raging to stop the aging" (Look it up. I swear to god he did). I'm not sure what he did for a living, but I do know he has a great hall named after him where the band Chicago performed and recorded, so he must be full of wisdom despite his querstionable musical taste. These are words that DJ FOODCOURT has lived by, and one day will adorn his head stone (is that the correct term? It looks weird in print. I know its not grave pillow...), but alas, it is time to stop the raging and welcome the aging. I will still go kicking aginst the pricks (reminder: pull Nick Cave records), its just that my kicks will now be directed at their shins instead of their faces. I heard a very loud pop last time I raised my knee...
























Exhibit C: Why Youth is Wasted on the Young

And finally, what DID happen to aging gracefully? It got old (these words were spoken by the great philosopher Miranda from Sex in the City. Granted, she had a cock in her mouth and the words were garbled, they still ring true). DJ FOODCOURT wants to age gracefully and thus is done dressing like a 12 year old and acting like a 25 year old on spring break. It is time to grow up and face the truth that aging is the only way to live a long life.

So please come out on June 15th and watch as I drink and consume everything that is put in front of me one last time, while I play records by people half my age, and celebrate the lifestyle that once was, but is now over.

That is until I do it all again next month.



What: DJ FOODCOURT Birthday Craptacular
Where: Casanova Lounge 9pm
When: Monday, June 15th, one day before my actual birthday, but it still counts socially
Whoa: Gifts aren't mandatory, but why the fuck would you show up at a birthday party empty handed?


Sincerely,

DJ FOODCOURT










A rare tiger with a receding hairline or a young FOODCOURT?

6/2/09

Greetings All,

This Thursday, Junetember the Fourth, DJ FOODCOURT will be playing records at San Francisco's wonderful Make Out Room. Festivities begin at 9pm and this shit is free. Grilled Cheese sandwiches will be served without cost, and many things will be learned on this magical evening.

Joining DJ FOODCOURT will be the one and only DJ FULL MOON FEVER (Sir Clark Mosher of Ye East Baye), providing much needed eye candy while spinning records in his Berka. We will be periodically breaking down the Fourth Wall and talking to you, the listening audience, while sharing our life lessons and political views to any (and all) willing to listen to two older, drunken, opinionated gentlemen. Along with our stellar musical stylings, DJ FOODCOURT and DJ FULL MOON FEVER have many thoughts that demand to be heard and we are very generous in our sharefulness.

It has been said that a noble spirit embiggens the smallest man (and that is a perfectly cromulent sentence), and FOODCOURT and FEVER are such men.

*Under age girls/boys and people of color are encouraged. Drink specials are subject to suggestion. Drugs are bad (but readily available), but bad means good in this sense. There will be a special guest, so you should probably shut up.

Lets fucking do this.

Yours,

DJ FOODCOURT

4/2/09

DJ FOODCOURT will be spinning tons of new records tonight with perennial heavyweights Chris Von Sneidern (DJ Sound Effects) and Kelley Stoltz (DJ Chuffington). I'm bringing my "A" game, and shit is very much on.

There will be free grilled cheese courtesy of the George Foreman grill and my wallet as well as whatever Hostess snackcakes are left on the shelves after being picked over by the obese kids in my neighborhood. The fun begins at 9pm and goes til drunk.

Here is a picture of a cat shopping























It is also my buddy Tim Mitchells 39th birthday so please come out and give him birthday wishes. He is half asian so this is probably a magical date on his peoples fictitious calendar. Also, my good friend Russ Hahn would have been 50 today, so please come out and toast his kick ass memory.

Here is a picture of a dog boxing:






















they can do just about anything when they stop licking themselves for two minutes...

Did I mention that there will be drink specials? I didnt because I came across a still from the new Harry Potter movie. I think this is after he gets turned into a dog:


















I hope to see each and every one of you out tonight celebrating this beautiful weather and life in general.

Here is a final picture of a woman kissing a lion. I really can't imagine this relationship lasted much longer






















Sincerely,

DJ FOODCOURT

3/11/09

Good Morrow,


This Sunday at Thee Parkside is a very special show featuring my friends from Indonesia, the S.I.G.I.T (http://www.myspace.com/thesigit), Hank IV and The Lords of Alatamont. This will be a wonderfully kickass show and please come out to support our friends who have traveled halfway around the world to rawwwk (Be down with brown!), and give Hank IV a proper send off before they hit SXSW. I'm not sure of the Lords of Altamont's plans so I cannot speak on their behalf, but I'm sure they have dreams and desires all their own.

Doors are at 8, Hank IV 9, S.I.G.I.T 10, LOA at 11. 8bucks. Dont be pussies and come out and support both local music and music from afar. You will be back home and crying in no time.

As a special bonus, DJ FOODCOURT is spinning records with Big Nate at the Casanova on Monday night. It will be a themed set of bands you may be hearing at SXSW, or more then likely, hearing in the Casanova that night. This is the first SXSW I have missed in 13 years, so please come out and watch me get drunk and violent. On memories!

Those who make it to both events are sure to gain entry to heaven.



Godammit,

Park, er, DJ FOODCOURT

2/16/09

Please join DJ FOODCOURT at the Casanova Lounge tonight beginning at 9pm. He will be celebrating presidents day and the recent death of Abe Lincoln. It will be a patriotic specatacular honoring our current and past presidents memory thru the sheer force of rawwwk. There will be drinks, laughter, tears, drinks, fights, tears, laughter, drinks, crying, hugging, more fights, kissing, and random acts of violence ending in a massive group hug.

There will be special guests and guests with special needs.

Its supposed to be sunny all night and tomorrow is a paid holiday for all. Free unicorn rides for the kids, and dont forget the pinata filled with cocaine.

Buzzkills or racists need not apply.

xoxo

DJ FOODCOURT

1/28/09

Dear Sportsfans, Rockers and Foodies,

The Bottom of the Hill and DJ FOODCOURT would like to invite you to our first annual Stuper Bowl Party-Heavy Metal Chili Cook-Off Extravaganza to be held on February 1st (just by coincidence THE SAME DAY as the Super Bowl) beginning at 2pm.

It's very simple: We have finally voted an african american into office, the Arizona Cardinals are in their first ever Super Bowl so it is very clear that the earth has spun off its axis and the end is nigh. So lets have a free admission party while the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals make all our betting dreams come true.

Here is the premise: Contestants will bring a crock pot full of chili which will be judged on content and the heavy metal name it is given. It will be judged by the crowd and by chili experts ( a vrtual melting pot of culinary experts) who obviously think they are better then the rest of us. DJ FOODCOURT will be spinning rawk faves leading up to kickoff (I wish there was some way I could play gay anthems like "We Will Rock You" by Queen, or "Rock and Roll Part II" by Gary Glitter, but I know most hardcore football fans just aren't that tolerant. I'm pretty sure Pittsburgh has a whole neighborhood called "Yes On 8").

At halftime, while Bruce Springsteen is shitting the bed in front of 45 billion people, we will award a winner based on best chili, best name, and best something else, which I cant remember.(NOTE: Pre-fabricated chili will not be tolerated and cheaters will be asked to leave the premises. This is called The Raider Nation Move because only a delusional meth head would try such a tactic). Awards will be given, high fives will be flyin, and alcohol will be flowin'.

This is an all ages event so feel free to bring the kids as long as they arent opinionated and dont keep asking the game to be switched to Dora the Explorer.

Did I mention that the game will be projected on a large screen, and that there will be drink specials and jello shots? No I didnt, but I just did.

Also, in the spirit of our new nation, we are asking people to bring a side dish as to make this one big pot luck Super Bowl party.

Hope to see you all there!

Yours,

DJ FOODCOURT

12/2/08

This Thursday, December 4th, DJ FOODCOURT presents a very special night of music with The Ruby Howl celebrating the release of their new record, The Wind and The Tiger. The Ruby Howl is comprised of husband and wife Laurie Hall and Pat Kadyk. These veterans of the SF music scene create a sparse and beautifully intricate world of home made banjos and 4 string guitars with hauntingly beautiful vocals. Do not miss this amazing band!

Doors are at 7pm, show at 7:30 and its only $5...

DJ FOODCOURT and his Wonder Pals will spin immediately following the set playing a mix of just about everything and drinking the rest. George Foreman has been found, so free grill cheese will be served along with some sort of Hostess product.

I hope to see you there!

FOODCOURT

11/17/08

Some Haikus for your reading pleasure....


YES, DJ FOODCOURT!
TONIGHT AT CASANOVA
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

Or perhaps...

TONIGHT IS MONDAY
A REALLY SUPER FUN DAY
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

Better yet...

TONIGHT IS FOODCOURT
THE TASTIEST OF ALL COURTS
BETTER FUCKING SHOW

And lastly....

SUPERSONIC SOUNDS
FROM FOODCOURTS MIXED BAG OF TRICKS
ATTEND AND BEFRIEND


dj FOODCOOURT
casnova lounge, sf
nine pee emm
free like our country

10/1/08

Greetings All,

This Thursday, October 2nd, marks a very special day for all of us. A historic debate of epic proportions between a woman who claims that "dinosaurs once walked the earth with man" will face off with a man who was probably around when they did. I am talking about the incredibly vague Sarah Palin versus the always chatty Joe Biden in the vice presidential debate to be followed by the musical stylings of DJ FOODCOURT and his Pals at the Make Out Room.

The festivities begin at 9pm, and this week I have the wonderfully beautiful and talented DJ Toby of KUSF fame and DJ Big Nate joining me to help ease the pain of this fiscal crisis, and make us all forget for one night that this country is in the shitter. This is a historical night for women on so many levels (I know, I had no idea they could DJ either!), so please come out and celebrate their small, but relevant advances.

BTW, This is not an invitation to watch the debate at the Make Out Room for they lack televisions. Its already probably asking too much that they even have turntables.

As usual, free grilled cheese courtesy of George Foreman and his grill.

Godammit,

DJ FOODCOURT

9/4/08

Dear You,

This Thursday, September 3rd, bask in the glow of Bristol Palin's afterbirth as DJ FOODCOURT faces his greatest nemesis in DJ POOPYPANTS SUPERMAN at Ye Olde Make Out Room and Public House. Joining DJ POOPYPANTS SUPERMAN will be DJ GRAVYBOAT and DJ BIGNATE for a violent sonic throwdown that needs to be seen to actually be heard.

Grilled cheese by George Foreman. Grilled brain by the shit FOODCOURT will be laying down. Sheer terror by those who follow. The sonic violence begins at 9pm. Its as free as our country.

Summers finally here. Lets do this.

Sincerely,

DJ FOODCOURT

8/11/08

Dear Friends,

DJ FOODCOURT will be spinning at the Casanova tonight beginning at 9pm. He will be playing records and probably drinking. There will be some Isaac Hayes, some Jay Reatard, some Awesome Color, some Howlin Rain and some other wonderful treats.

Then he just needs to fill another 4 hours....

The weather is supposed to be balmy, and the sun should be out well past midnight. Wear shorts.

For the love of god come to the Casanova tonight and start your weekend five days early.

Godfuckingdammit,

DJ FOODCOURT

8/4/08

Greetings All,

Lets cut to the chase: DJ FOODCOURT and his WonderPals (featuring DJ Gravy Boat, DJ Fast Eddy and some very special guests) will be spinning records at San Francisco's Make Out Room on Thursday, August 7th, beginning at 9pm....Its free, man, and per usual, I FOODCOURT will be making grilled cheese on the George Foreman grill.

Listen, I am the last person to consider this "performance art" (as many people refer to it as), but if you need to label such things, I would liken it to Andres Serrano and Karen Finley fucking in a port a potty at Coachella. Yes its that good. No, its not that stinky or contrived.

Also as a very special opener, we have Dusty Heroism and the Lilac Shrieks featuring Chris Kaup of the late, great, Fantasy. That begins at 7:30 and is 5 bucks and a great way to make sure that you get a good seat for FOODCOURT and his WonderPals set. It should be a rocking good party since they are in town for a wedding this weekend and most people will be pre-wedding loaded.

I hope to see each and every person on this list. However since eye contact is an open invitation to communication, I cannot guarantee that there will be actual "conversations". This is art and I need to concentrate.


Godammit,

DJ FOODCOURT

7/28/08

Hey All,

I realize its a school night...bladiddy blah blah...and we all have to work in the morning...whah...but isnt this why we wanted to become adults? So we could go out drinking and carousing on a school night and hear music that speaks to the every essence of our being without THE MAN telling us what to do?

Didnt we all learn something from The Dark Knight? Exactly. Thats why this city NEEDS DJ FOODCOURT.

Beginning at 9pm at the Casanova Lounge (for those of you who never leave 22nd street, its that away...) I will be playing whatever the fuck I feel like and it will all be wonderful. Will it be a bunch of obscure songs you have never heard? That aint me babe. DJ FOODCOURT plays comfort food for the soul. You will hear everything from the Jonas Brothers to Miley Cyrus (this is my To Catch a Predator set) and everything in between.

Actually, there will be none of that, but lots of, well, good stuff to get your week off to a great start. Think of me as a Batman that doesnt beat his mom.

PS: We will not be premeiring the Hank IV LP until I spin in August. They wanted to compress the vocals and add a synth washand more electronic drums to all of the cuts, so that will be next time...

Thanks!

DJ FOODCOURT

7/24/08

Hey Everybody,

Its that time of the month again when DJ FOODCOURT makes his incredibly rare appearance at the Casnova Lounge on Monday, July 28th beginning at 9pm. This month he has a very special gift for all of you, as he will be debuting the new Hank IV record "Refuge in Genre" in its entirety. The record isnt due to be released until October on Silt Breeze, so you get a chance to hear what is sure to be on most critics end of year lists (Joel Selvin has already declared that "it reminds me of Pablo Cruise and Third Eye Blind, since those are the only bands I can ever seem to reference").

Since the fucking French and their make believe holiday Bastille Day knocked FOODCOURT from his regular second monday of the month slot last week, he has had much time to collect new tasty releases and to reflect on exactly when and where last months set went so terribly, terribly wrong.

He looks forward to empty conversations with each and every one of his fans and promises it to be the best monday ever.

The record listening party will begin at 10pm, but get there early since it is a bar and they seem to have things we like.

And please save the date of August 23rd as GIBBSMO Presents "Parkerzalooza V: Inside Bands", this year featuring si, clara, The Blank Stares, The Muslims, Spiral Stairs (w/Kelley Stoltz), Kelley Stoltz Band, Hank IV, Still Flyin and Big Drums (Johnny Dwyer and Ezee Tiger) with free pancakes by Batter Blaster. More info to follow as I make it up....

Mama Mia,

DJ FOODCOURT

7/2/08

My Fellow Americans,

This Thursday, July 3rd, DJ FOODCOURT and his Patri-alcoholic Pals will be spinning records at San Francisco's Make Out Room (for FREE!), beginning at 9pm. This is a very special 4th of July for our nation because it marks the last time George Bush will be in office to shit all over it.

I realize that this is another amazing, selfless gift in a long line of gifts that Mr. FOODCOURT has given his adoring public over the past year, but what makes this gift more special you may ask? Behold the wonders listed after each of these intriguing formatting bullets:

• Hear DJ Fast Eddy (DJ WOODENTEETH) spin amazing records AND yarns from his storied past when he first witnessed the signing of the Decloration of Independence.
• See DJ FOODCOURT actually gain weight during his incredibly rocking patriotic set.
• Taste DJ E Wrecks soulfulness as he plays golden wax nuggets spanning our nations history and feel his indifference to all that approach him.
• Witness DJ Hankster the Prankster (Henry Wimmer) pull out such obscure records that would be sure to make the kids who work at Aquarius' heads explode.

Per usual there will be free grilled cheese courtesy of George Foreman. However instead of grilled cheese, there will be grilled hot dogs. Vegetarians can eat a booger for America on this special day because I'm pretty sure that our founding fathers all ate hot dogs for every meal.

Have you ever seen how fat Ben Franklin was? That aint fucking Rainbow Grocery my friends....

I'm almost positive that Friday is a holiday so let your lapel flag pins fly and come on down. This land is your land, this land is my land, so lets get loaded and celebrate like ugly Americans.

God Bless Us All.

DJ FOODCOURT

PS: Dont be a Hancock and please pass this on...

6/5/08

Greetings,

A very special DJ FOODCOURT will take place tonight at 9pm at the Make Out Room. In celebration of a black man beating a white woman (wording could have been better...), we will be spinning nothing but songs with music in them, by artists that many of you are quite familiar with, with sounds pouring forth from not one, but two speakers.

Its THAT special a night...

Joining me on my musical Jihad will be DJ E-Wreck (DJ Scratchatory Rape; my apologies to DBS) and DJ Big Nate (DJ HOTDOGONASTICK). Per usual, I will start off the set, destroy the room with my musical intensity, then they will come on screaming and crying long after you have lost interest. I will also be breaking down both the third AND fourth walls and actually talking to the audience.

You are all welcome for this amazing, selfless gift.

What: DJ FOODCOURT and Pals
When: Thursday, June tonight.
Where: Make Out Room
Why: Because it happens once a month and finally we have something to celebrate.
Whoa: Free admission, Free George Foreman grilled cheese, free hostess snackcakes.