11/12/09

Greetings from DJ FOODCOURT,

First of all, thanks for all of the well wishes while I have been fighting my unbelievable sickness. For those of you who didnt send well wishes, don't worry about it, I'm sure I will be sick again shortly and you will have another chance. As a special selfless gift I would love to thank you all personally and that is why I will be having a reception at the Casanova Lounge on Monday, November 16th at 9pm, in honor of YOU, the real heroes. I am planning on clipping my toenails and ridding myself of my kleenex box slippers and I will be giving you all wonderful gifts, sharing amazing stories about my night sweats and coughing jags, and playing somewhat good records from my extensive vinyl collection of non rarities.

I have received a ton of fan mail, so lets get to it. Ginobli from Ibiza writes: Dear DJ FOODCOURT, I recently read in the London Herald that you had been sick. Is this something that you contracted during your record setting performance with DJ AM at the opening of the Dave and Busters at the Dubai Mall of America? Also, have you ever tea bagged James Blundt during the course of one of your legendary mash ups at Blundts SuperVirginStore?

Hey Ginobli. Great question. First off, I want to give a shout out to my boy DJ AM who left this Big Blue Marble way before last call. I would like to think he is in Heaven, pondin Red Bulls and tappin ass, but I am pretty sure that Jews arent allowed in Heaven because of the whole money-tightness-cant be trusted thingy. Either way, wherever he is, I know he is high as fuck and laying down some righteous DMB or BEP's. Next thing: No comment about Blundt you knucklehead! However, I will say that the taint matches the drapes, ifyaknowwhatimean...Ginobli, I did not contract my sickness thru my epic set at DMOA. I believe it was contracted while vacationing in Darfur. I had gone there on a humanitarian aid mission but the weather was so fucking nice I figured, why not get my tan on and chillax a bit? These people seem to have plenty of food because their bellys stick out like they have all just eaten an Olive Garden never fucking ending bottomless soup and salad bowl so what the hell is everyone so worried about? So I headed straight to the pool, ordered up some boat drinks, set my iPod on "stun "and kicked the fuck back. I noticed my waiter had what could only be referred to as a "halo of flies" and I believe that is how I got sick. I mean Christ bro, you're black. Its easy enough to see them on your skin and to wipe them off. Creeps me out just thinking about it.

Anyway, after attending the VMA's in NYC, I coughed up something that looked like one of the characters from the Mucinex commercials, although it did look slightly asian (thats not racist, that is stereotyping. HUGE diff.) At the time I thought I had coughed up a magic baby because you could see that it was an intelligent life form and it had the speed of a mexican leaving a paternity hearing. Shortly after leaving my body it ran across the floor of my hotel, grabbed my car keys, shouted something phlegmy at me, and stole my car. It later called me from Mary Kate and Ashleys hotel room high as a bat kite and listening to fucking Grizzly Bear and crying. I never heard from it again. Since then I have been on an antibiotic that they only administer to astronauts called Zithromax. Its like Extenze for sick astronauts with huge cocks. I can now hear the dead and the thoughts of insects (which by the way, all incredibly boring) and can now bench press a thousand pounds. To answer your question, I'm feeling much better Ginobli. Thank you for asking.

Thats all the time I have for today. I need to save my strength for this coming weeks most epic of sets. I hope to see you all Monday. And as an added bonus, the first 10 people who show up with the DJ FOODCOURT flier (just cut below the dotted line) will get a free drink and a croupy cough from yours truly.

Remember that DJ FOODCOURT loves all people yet reserves the right to pass judgement at any given time.

See you all Monday!

DJ FOODCOURT